As we begin our latest calendar year I have been quite reflective of late. What is to come. Will this year be just as uneventful and all my goals still not met for another 12 calendar months. Will holding full time work and trying making a life in this world take up my available time and energies so I won’t have enough left over to pursue my hobbies, interests and dreams as attentive as I’d wish to be?
This and more I have been contemplating. Yes it’s only January and I realise it’s barely passed half way into the first month of 2014 but I feel like I’m wasting my time already. I’ve drawn only one full sized sketch. I’ve not watched any films. I’ve barely had the time I wish to chill out with my Xbox One. I don’t listen to nearly as much music as I used to. I haven’t made any progress with my Youtube channel or my website. I haven’t completed any projects or barely even started them. I still haven’t continued any projects I tried to start for the umpteenth time last year. I haven’t met my fitness goals. I haven’t put any time or effort into my relationship. Lost contact with all my old friends whom I barely see anymore. It’s all just gone sour.
Yes this all sounds like “first world problem” syndrome, but you know what? Fuck that. I live in a first world country and am blessed to be able to bitch on about these petty things in my life. These are all things that make me happy and yet I haven’t been able to work on any of this. Why is that. How come? Why is it even when I want to make the time, or even when I actually do have time nothing comes of it? By the time I’ve sat down to work on something, I am physically and mentally exhausted after the day that I just don’t have it in me to give it my all. So that’s not a good mix, I don’t have the time or energy to do the things that make me happy, so what’s the point in trying?
The 8+ hours a day I spend at work, the extra 1+hours spent on exercise a day, the 6-8 hours sleep a day, travel to and from work, the time spent getting ready for work in the morning and the time settling after getting home, the time spent with my girlfriend after she finishes work, then dinner, then catching up with each other to connect, by then there’s maybe 3 hours left before bed. Now that’s not enough time to make a Youtube video and upload it, or work on some extra coding for the website, or get some good practicing in with improving my drawing ability again or write some music. 3 hours sounds a lot but it’s basically broken down into phases: The first half hour or more is finding inspiration and getting set up. The second is finding your groove and once you’re there you don’t want to stop. The 3rd phases is reviewing and finding satisfaction with your progress. That’s how I work. It takes me longer to get to where I want to be, so I can easily spend 2 to 3 hours getting through that process which this also depends on what I’m working on so it varies.
So this is where my weekends come in. Here is when I will have to do the bulk of my work and complete any tidbits throughout the week. I am going to have to make a roster or schedule in my time and try and do my best to stick to it. I don’t know what else I can do to help bring in some more happiness and satisfaction in my life so I don’t feel like a complete creative failure.
I just can’t let myself waste yet another year on false hopes and dreams. This all sounds very “New Year Resolution” but again, fuck that. I refuse to go there as that’s a set up for failure out the gate as that never works. I need to change my lifestyle in all areas. To change into a successful progressive lifestyle. I’ll be 30 years old next year and I’ve not completed any projects in the last 3 years. I don’t want to hit 30 and realise I’ve wasted so much time.
So hopefully with the help of my website as an outlet, my Facebook page, my Youtube Channel, my schedule that I stick to that I can meet some of these goals and make a solid go of it. All things take time so I can’t rush anything. Here’s to a new progressive and successful lifestyle.