I don’t need to say that this year has been an absolute cluster fuck. So I won’t dwell further, knowing full well many others out there have it worse off than myself.
My only form of human contact that has been a constant throughout this year has been with my brethren Jamie and Dan when we started the ‘Let’s Talk Gamescast’. This started as an excuse to keep in contact during lockdowns. To get on camera together once a week and just wax lyrical about anything and the gaming industry events from the week that was. We just wrapped episode 40 and I couldn’t be more thankful for it. Has been a blessing for me, between the work calls during the week, it’s mostly silence until then. The spaces between have been brutal.
I have faced my share of personal demons this year. Not seeing anyone I hold dear for approx. 16months straight. Working from home for the majority of that time, means that my only other social interaction was removed as well. So needless to say, I had some very deep soul searching to work through. Dealing with isolation I’ve never experienced. I ended up on some heavy anti-depressant medication just to try take the edge off. Being cut off from everyone. No friends. No family. Just the odd infrequent phone/video call and my 4 walls. No visits from anyone that wasn’t the pizza guy. Speaking of which, I fell into a heavy reliance in the form of comfort food. I put on 20kgs and definitely paid some staff wages for local take away food/delivery businesses. All of my creative sparks dissipated. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to go on camera as I hated the site of me. I just woke up for work, logged in, ended shift, ate, slept. Rinse repeat. Even that slowly became a challenge.
I knew I was going down a path that had a finality to it and was heading there fast. Faster than I expected. A spiral I couldn’t stop myself from within. I grew up with somewhat of an emotional tie with food. So this lock down just expanded that underlaying problem. My comfort I would seek from food, became an independence. I can only relate it to a drug addiction. Let’s face it. With the MSG, sugar and god knows whatever else was in the foods I was eating, I may as well write myself off as somewhat of an addict. A solid 8 months of it. Until a little doctor’s visit for a check up, with strong advice to “maybe seriously start looking to turn this around, Mr. Hunt.” with a look that concerned me. Then a subsequent hospital visit for failing health. My mental state, in addition to my physical health had been in the worse form it had ever been.
So with that last hospital visit and stern medical advice, I went home to reflect. I shut out any creative endeavor, shelved ideas and wants for any platform growth and began the slow steps to turn inward in a positive way, to prioritize my health. What use are subscribers, followers, “fans” (if I have any), or artistic projects if I’m dead. Just over 2 months or so now have past and I’ve been on a new path. I’ve lost half of that weight I put on already. I’ve been eating clean, hitting the gym again before work, aiding my progress with some supplements and medication. I am doing better, but with a long way to go. With the borders reopened I booked a flight and annual leave to finally visit my family after all this time alone. I’m really going to need this. To touch base. Recharge. Relax. Regroup.
As I said at the top, I know millions of other people out there have had it worse off than me. Hell, I’m at least lucky enough to have kept my job throughout all this. That doesn’t mean I’m exempt from struggle.
So… rolling into 2021. What now?
Well if I’ve learned anything from MY 2020 experience, is that I need to enjoy myself more. I need to appreciate myself more. I need to just go out and get the tools I need to build my projects even if it takes longer to save up for them. To make my home a better place to just BE in. To make my body a better place to BE in. To get out and do things and not hold myself up at home hiding from the world. Even if it’s just a day out at the shops or drive down the coast for the day.
Now for my creative endeavors. 4 major 2021 purchases I’m aiming for my channel. Upping my game: new camera, podcast mixing deck, new mic and a source switching tool. Let’s Talk Gamescast continues. Chuntcast returns. Creating promotional videos for my comic book/creative projects. Kind of excited. More than a tad. I’m going to make at least 1 or 2 comic book projects happen in 2021. Without without a Kickstarter. How will I afford the time and money to do all this? I’ll figure that out.
As far as my health, mentally and physically, I CANNOT let that slide again. That is something I can’t afford to happen. So if anytime that starts to fall down the priority ladder, I’ll immediately shelve what I’m doing and put it back up there.
So if anyone read this, let alone all the way to the end, thank you. I hope you made it through 2020. I’m sure we’re all going to look back at this year one day upon a moment of reflection as a cornerstone. I know I will, that’s a certainty. A definitive turning point for all of us.
I hope to see you around my circles and also hope you enjoy what I have to bring in 2021. Let’s make sure we make the most of it.
- Chris Hunt a.k.a Uncle Chunt